Bear Brothers Financial Advisors
For a long time, I was told not “disparage” other financial firms. I’m not sure if there is a law against it, and neither were the people instructing me to refrain. But then I found Bear Brothers Financial Advisors. Below is screenshots of the website.
Meet Bear Brothers Financial Advisors
Meet the Bear Brothers Team
Sales Manager, Jim Jones
Jim Jones began his career with Salmon Brothers, a leader in the New Jersey waste disposal industry. The first of his “family” to attend college, he graduated from Eastman Business College in just under seven years with a degree in Shadow Banking. Combining his educational work with hands-on business experience, Jim founded Bear Brothers with a consortium of silent investors led by his Uncle Sal as the family continues to diversify its various holdings.
Financial Advisor Billy Martin
Billy Martin began his career as a detailer at Roy L. Fuchs Pre-Owned Automobiles, where he quickly rose through the ranks to become their 4th-best salesman. Parlaying his mediocrity in used car salesmanship, he deftly transitioned into a gold brokerage position with Russian-based Noorseekee, Inc. before joining the Bear Brothers team in 2010.
Financial Advisor Harry Hirsute
After a record fifteen failed attempts at the GED, Harry Hirsute became a Baltimore Stockbroker where his performance earned him a 3-5 year “vacation”. When he got out, he started a series of exciting businesses that would have been hugely successful but for the challenging business environment, regulatory uncertainty, unfavorable tax treatment, employee turnover and a number of other factors for which he takes no responsibility. The good news is Harry is back in the investment world with Bear Brothers.
Financial Advisor Steve Miller
Steve Miller studied business at Grand Lakes University under professor Thornton Melon. A lifelong peddler, he has held sales positions with the Brooklyn Bridge Company, the Institute For More Robocalls and the National Organization of Long-Term Care Insurance for Pets. When he’s not hard at work as a Bear Brothers Financial Advisor you can usually find Steve sleeping one off fresh from another losing weekend in Vegas.
Financial Advisor Tim Roswell
Tim Roswell began his career selling gravesites along the San Andreas Fault. After a series of earthquakes, he transitioned to the Diamond Life Insurance Company where he specialized in selling Premium-Financed-Semi-Variable-Sorta-Guranteed-Universal-Life policies with attractive lifetime surrender charges. Although Tim has been in the Bear Brothers compensation “Penalty Box” for most of his career, his clients can barely notice the desperation in his voice as he struggles to hit his quarterly sales quotas.
Bear Brothers Videos
Bear Brothers Financial Advisors was put together by a real firm, Fairhaven Wealth Management. I don’t know enough about them that I can recommend them as an advice firm (they are independent but are not fee-only). But I do appreciate their sense of humor and boldness.
The site begs a question.
How Much of this is True?
The beginning of each video has this disclaimer:
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is completely coincidental.
The characters may be fictitious. Some of the scenarios, however, are not. They could have put this disclaimer instead:
Based on a True Story
Next week, I’m going to dive a bit more into my story and share just how much of these things really happen. See you then.
Click here to see the full spoof website.
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This article is educational only and is not intended to be investment, legal, or tax advice or recommendations, whether direct or incidental. Again, this is not investment advice. Consult your financial, tax, and legal professionals for specific advice related to your specific situation. Never take investment advice from someone who doesn’t know you and your specific situation. All opinions expressed in this article are those of the people expressing them. Any performance referenced is historical and is no guarantee of future results. All indices are unmanaged and may not be directly invested in.